3 years ago

Three years ago I wrote my last entry for this blog. At the time I was trying to turn writing into a living even though I never wrote anything other than papers for my useless English degree and drunken, self-pity "poems" in a hidden folder on my laptop. I had some delusion that because I could manage a good grade on a paper for my undergraduate degree from a state school that I would somehow be able to make a living writing. Of course I couldn't actually think of any worthwhile content to put on this blog so I turned it into a scam. I would go on Blogger threads on 4chan to drum up traffic and clicks on my ads. I even sucked at that. I was a functional alcoholic working a shitty job at Gamestop. My life consisted of alienating my wife, taking care of my father who was recovering from brain surgery, and using substances and video games as a means of escape from reality. Things are a lot different now. I have a baby. I live in a different state. I drink rarely. I wipe people's asses for a living instead of kissing them. I'm happier now. My tits are smaller. I'm still with my wife despite a rough patch consisting of infidelity and manipulation and tantrums. No one will read this. It just struck me as funny that I happened to check how many views this blog had on this exact day. "Eternity is two people and a ham"

Catharsis

I'm coming to realize that, more often than not, the things you don't want to hear are the only things that make sense. People get stuck in an endless loop of self-fulfilling prophecy when they aren't willing to absorb the advice given to them by those who care enough to try to help. I am realizing that this has been a problem in my life for some time. I tell myself that I'm lazy and don't have the gumption to make anything of myself, ergo I never do anything to make my life better. I'm done with that. I've always understood that I am a valuable person with much to offer the world and I'm going to start holding myself accountable for the direction my life is heading.

Munchausen by Internet

Check out this article. I gotta say, I feel bad for people who can't find anyone to care about them in real life. If you have to fake an illness on the internet for sympathy then you have a rather serious problem in your life.

Also, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm battling terminal butt cancer, my dog's best friend died, and the milk I was going to put on my cereal this morning was expired. Pray for me!

Spectroids

"Oh Christ, another day of this garbage", I thought to myself as I saw the car pull up outside the video game store I work at before we have even opened. Due to a chronic lack of payroll hours I was opening up by myself for the third time that week. Not that being alone was that much of an issue. Retail is generally easy work. "Thanks for your purchase! Do you have a membership with us? Have a great day and come back soon!" These phrases have become second nature for me. I've been working there so long that I even find myself accidentally answering my cell phone with the canned greeting I use when answering the store phone. Little did I know that today would be anything but average.

As I finished up with the pre-opening counts, I saw the door of the black Range Rover waiting outside open slowly. "Of course you gotta stand outside the door while I work, of course you do..." I grumbled to myself. After a minute or so, however, nobody had emerged from the car. "Whatever", I thought as I went to unlock the gate and let the impatient asshat into the store. As I approached the door I noticed that there didn't seem to be anyone in the driver's seat and the door was still open. Somewhat strange, but you get used to strange when you work with the public. I unlocked the door and turned to take my post behind the register. As soon as I turned my back to the door the electronic chime signalling that someone had entered the store sounded off. As I turned to greet the customer I was met with a site I will never forget.

The person...no, the creature which had just walked in was beyond anything my mind could fathom. It was easily seven feet tall and thin as a rail. It wore a non-descript black suit. It's face...well, it had no face, only a blank canvas of pale flesh which I could feel staring into the depths of my soul. As it stood motionless I could feel my sanity breaking apart like a stale Laffy Taffy in the pocket of one of the overweight children who frequent the store. After what seemed an eternity it slowly moved towards me with a disjointed gait that only added to my crushing fear. It leaned down so its face was mere inches from mine and spoke to me in a voice that seemed to be mined from the depths of hell itself. I will never forget those words...

"YOU GUYS GOT SPECTROIDS???"  

New Article

http://www.suite101.com/content/modern-mythology-urban-legends-and-the-internet-a356000

Check it out!

Howdy

Hi, potential readers. I've started this blog to have a place to share the mildly interesting observations and stories I have stored in my rapidly degenerating memory for the world to see. I plan on writing some fiction along with the (mostly inane) musings that come to me from time to time. Feel free to comment (insult) me as you see fit in the comments. Hopefully you can at least glean some form of enjoyment from seeing me flail intellectually here. I look forward to our future interactions, positive or negative.

Oh, I also started writing for suite101.com recently. If you have any interest in the subject, check out my first article, A Beginners guide to Marvel vs. Capcom 3.